Have you ever been around an infant? Do they question their right to ask for what they want? Do they play small in hopes of disappearing into the background? Are they constantly berating themselves for getting it wrong? Of course not! All of that comes later after we buy into the idea of the inherent wrongness of us. What if you could return to that certainty of your younger self that you knew you deserved to be who you were, ask for what you wished and create the life you desired?
1. BE YOU
Make a commitment to not change yourself in order to please or fit in with others. Changing ourselves for others is an indication that we value their reality and opinion of what’s right and wrong more than we value what we know to be true for us. What if you were willing to be who you were at all times? This is part of doing what is right for you. What would that look like for you? Are you willing to make that change now?
2. DON’T BUY INTO THE WRONGNESS OF YOU!
Realise that the supposed “wrongness” of you is not real but comes from having bought other’s inaccurate conclusions about what events meant. For example, if you were naturally exuberant and joyful as a child, and your parents did not want all of that “noise” and couldn’t tolerate joy, you were probably made to feel that your enthusiasm for life (and therefore you) was wrong and bad. Was that really true?!? Or were your parents unable to appreciate joy because they had so little in their lives?
If you are doing something that doesn’t work for you and your life, instead of going to the wrongness of you, ask a question. You might ask: “Ok, what can I do to change this?”, “What would it take for this to change?” or “What am I doing that allows it not to change?” Keep asking and see what shows up. Try not to come to conclusion or look for an answer—rather ask “OK and what else is possible?” or “What else can I know about this?”
4. DON’T JUDGE
Realise that all judgements and standards are always arbitrary, not true and real. Thirty years ago, institutionalising people with disability was considered the right thing to do. Consider also that we live in one of the only cultures in one of the only times in history where being thin is considered beautiful. Traditionally, it was considered a sign of being poor or lower class. Can you see how your judgements are not accurate, but rather just the way you have chosen to look at things? Would you be willing to let go of even a few of your arbitrary standards that you use to abuse yourself with? How about all of them?!?
5. BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Give up the idea that you need to be critical of yourself in order to know what’s wrong with you so that you can fix it and “grow”. You are an infinite being, infinite in every way; do you really need to “grow and learn lessons”? What if you were kind to yourself instead, remembering that by letting go of the limitations you’ve bought as real, you can access the greatness of you that is and has always been there.
6. TAKE PRIDE IN YOU
Make a list of everything you have decided is wrong with you and see how it has served, and may still serve, you. For example, if you believe you are too critical, you might be grateful for the talent and ability to notice detail and analyse situations. If you are upset about weighing more than you would like, consider the way in which your weight has protected you from people or situations that you may not have felt you had the skills to deal with. Remember, it’s not what we have; it’s about how we use what we have. Any talent and ability can be used for others and us or against others and us.
7. NURTURE YOURSELF!
Take AT LEAST 30 minutes a day, preferably an hour, to do something that is nurturing and fun for you and your body. It might be having coffee with a friend, going for a run or swim, walking through some gorgeous gardens with a loved one, digging in the earth or something else entirely. Its up to you. Put it in your diary.
Practice receiving from everyone and everything. The more you are willing to receive, the more that can come to you and then you will begin to have the truth and greatness of you. When we believe we are a “wrongness”, we limit the good that can come to us. Many of us won’t receive compliments and true acknowledgement of ourselves from others.
9. HONOUR YOURELF!
Give up punishing yourself! That will not accomplish anything. If you beat your dog or cat, do they improve? We had a client who would not allow himself to park under his wife’s carport because he believed his wife was much more deserving. We encouraged him to realise that he is just as deserving. He did and as a result of that one minor thing, which honoured him, he was able to immediately drastically receive much more from his wife and their relationship got a lot better. The couple are closer than they have ever been.
10. CHOOSE FOR YOU
Let go of shame, guilt, blame, regret and remorse. These are what we call “implanted points of view”. They are not natural or real or true. They are put upon you by the culture and various authority figures as a way of controlling you to ensure you will follow their rules and standards. If you know you have done something that is not something you feel good about, do you really need guilt to not repeat that action? Of course not. If you make a mistake, just choose to do it differently next time.
A FEW FINAL WORDS…
Remember, caring for you, being kind to you, not judging you, creates a space where you can begin to show up as the greatness of you. This matters not only for you, but for far more. Whether you know it or not, the world needs you, and it needs you to be the incredible gift you truly are.
Be You and Change the World!